I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.