If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
