the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day