Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
