Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
