i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
