if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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