this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
