none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
