do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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