i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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