I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
