Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
