Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.

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  (443): i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week. http://tfl.nu/k6qn
  Replies (52) Good night (4672) Bad night (5868)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.

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  (630): you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car. http://tfl.nu/fzr7
  Replies (18) Good night (5651) Bad night (743)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer

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  (941): you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer http://tfl.nu/fwd9
  Replies (4) Good night (830) Bad night (2659)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.

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  (505): He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes. http://tfl.nu/z1l1
  Replies (25) Good night (727) Bad night (3366)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.

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  (702): think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010. http://tfl.nu/zikd
  Replies (17) Good night (665) Bad night (3309)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH

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  (480): West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH http://tfl.nu/ntsd
  Replies (12) Good night (4114) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."

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  (267): Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too." http://tfl.nu/ac9x
  Replies (4) Good night (2645) Bad night (1017)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.

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  (719): Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right. http://tfl.nu/8sag
  Replies (12) Good night (4037) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (554): View more from

  No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted

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  (554): No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted http://tfl.nu/praq
  Replies (12) Good night (2226) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self

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  (845): Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self http://tfl.nu/ea7y
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (1308)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.

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  (863): my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car. http://tfl.nu/8sk6
  Replies (10) Good night (1622) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.

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  (305): I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel. http://tfl.nu/egxv
  Replies (3) Good night (1348) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
  Replies (4) Good night (2747) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.

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  (330): All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy. http://tfl.nu/2g6m
  Replies (4) Good night (790) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back

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  (778): About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back http://tfl.nu/4ess
  Replies (2) Good night (1343) Bad night (224)

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