Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
