the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
