forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.