Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.