My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
