It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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