Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
