I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
