my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
