Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
