if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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