You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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