dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
