Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
