I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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