I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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