dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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