Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Come share oat with me in your robe
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
