I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I party with great urgency now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
