i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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