I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
