Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
