I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
