i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
