you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
