I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
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i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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