Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just want nice things and good sex
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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