Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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