I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
