Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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