Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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