About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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