my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
