I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
