At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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