Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
