I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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