I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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