I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
