i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
