He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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