So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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