what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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