Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
