Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
