It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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