why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
