I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
