jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
