Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.