Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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