Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"

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  (914): when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing" http://tfl.nu/damz
  Replies (27) Good night (797) Bad night (3934)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

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  (860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW" http://tfl.nu/b6ij
  Replies (17) Good night (5975) Bad night (782)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament

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  (603): I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament http://tfl.nu/4ewl
  Replies (5) Good night (4171) Bad night (1315)
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  (323): View more from California

  Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.

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  (323): Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle. http://tfl.nu/1g9t
  Replies (4) Good night (957) Bad night (3746)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.

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  (267): I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does. http://tfl.nu/0qfz
  Replies (25) Good night (5518) Bad night (1153)
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  (818): View more from California

  Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.

  (818): View more from California

  And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.

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  (818): Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas. (818): And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you. http://tfl.nu/hyux
  Replies (14) Good night (5540) Bad night (1254)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink

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  (305): he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink http://tfl.nu/w0ij
  Replies (12) Good night (7282) Bad night (1218)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".

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  (416): Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves". http://tfl.nu/iji3
  Replies (9) Good night (2759) Bad night (819)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.

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  (561): She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess. http://tfl.nu/v7az
  Replies (5) Good night (2408) Bad night (1019)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?

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  (910): I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/00z1
  Replies (10) Good night (2483) Bad night (1305)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

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  (978): I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina. (978): Thats a chance were just gonna have to take http://tfl.nu/hpgd
  Replies (9) Good night (1775) Bad night (870)
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  (516): View more from New York

  People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.

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  (516): People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall. http://tfl.nu/80cl
  Replies (7) Good night (2049) Bad night (574)
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  (858): View more from California

  So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?

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  (858): So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom? http://tfl.nu/h0sv
  Replies (13) Good night (1631) Bad night (476)
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  (707): View more from California

  New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.

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  (707): New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses. http://tfl.nu/6j5u
  Replies (2) Good night (363) Bad night (851)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.

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  (409): No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups. http://tfl.nu/fjk8
  Replies (2) Good night (143) Bad night (482)

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