it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.