I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.