i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
