woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
