Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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