so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She bit a glass in half.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
