Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she peed on how many people?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
