It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
