the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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