You smell like stripper and shame
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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