Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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