in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
