He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
