i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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