kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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