I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
