he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
