my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
