smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
