My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
