so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I AM VODKA MAN
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
