where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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