Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
