I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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