I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
